I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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