Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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