We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
