We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
