We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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