K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
