Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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