every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
