He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
