i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
