How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
