Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
No more Irish car bombs ever.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
