The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
