Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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