I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
