Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
