currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
