I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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