just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
