I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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