1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
