Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
