nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
