if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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