people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
