we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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