I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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