Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
