How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
