My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
