Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
