I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
