walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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