The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
