i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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