Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
