You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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