You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
