she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
