your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
