Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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