i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
