My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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