Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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