So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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