I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
