Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
