went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
