And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
