Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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