Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
