He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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