i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
