just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
